Marriages start with a great enthusiasm and loads of affection but with time things fade. Are we going wrong somewhere. Is the initial attraction turning into a repulsion. Are we just telling the world we are married and together but we are just two samurai’s living under same roof. Are their some parameters on which we judge our partner, are we comparing with rest, are we laying unnecessary benchmarks???
Marriage is the biggest decision in life, it’s just not a decision for forever but it’s also a decision of living together every day of that forever. Sounds big, but believe me not that big. Its just a few adjustments, a few compliments, lots of respect, some freedom, lots of trust, loads of understanding and hell lot of patience…still big? Again believe me NO.
So the FORMULA for a happy marriage is…..
Marriage is a coupling of two different people, who come from different families, have different genders, different brains and different heart. If we understand this, quite a lot gets solved. So much of difference requires a good deal of learning of eachothers differences. When we know how and where we are different we can adjust at those points. Adjustment shouldn’t sound negative, it should be taken positively and sportingly. Incase their is a difference which is not accepted by you, asking for your partner to adjust citing the rationale is also not a bad option. Few adjustments from your side would surely make your partner feel he or also should adjust for you.
Respect is not mere for eachother but respect for each others thoughts, decisions. Small word with a very big meaning. One word is big enough to destroy a relationship, it’s good if it can be best avoided. Avoiding becomes easy if avoidance doesn’t come in way, avoidance doesn’t come in way when respect is in. Respecting each others family is extremely important, the way your people, your friends are important to you, similarly your partners family is important to him/her. Its always better to put a caring foot forward for the partners family, as its your family too. Respect each others work, big small whatever it is because in front of plenty at workplace your partner might be just another one, but at home they love to be known as a hero. Never humiliate or demean, you too don’t love that.
Freedom of decision, freedom to think. It’ s not great to be Siamese twins, it’s great to have your own interests, independence. This will give you a lot to discuss and talk. It’s gives you a reason to look forward for a good time with each other. We keep hearing the word space quite often. Giving space avoids unnecessary confusions and we don’t like to be bugged every time.
John Steinbeck says “Try to understand men. If you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and almost always leads to love.” Adjustment becomes easier when you understand the difference. It’s easier to forgive when you understand. Understanding each other forms the base for every step of togetherness.
No lying and no story telling leads to trust. Lying, doubting makes the relationship weaker. The person whom we commit for life can’t be taken for granted, make sure to accept when you are wrong, admit mistakes. A human is bound to make mistakes, a simple sorry makes the big mistake too small. Bend when its required to and in future remember not to commit the same mistake again.
Practice patience. Within marriage, patience means distinguishing what needs to be changed and what needs to be tolerated. We probably considered our partner perfect initially, then we immediately set out to improve him or her. Then we came to know partner didn’t want to get improved rather was on a path to improve us. Basic behaviours, characteristics can’t be changed. We need to be patient with each other and learn to work around them. Patience and tolerance are different. Abuse, voilence should not be tolerated, rather should be handled maturely with involvement of others.
Talking, rather speaking to each other forms a bond. It’s gives you an opportunity to know each other, to learn, to enjoy the times together. It’s times to clear misunderstandings, take decisions, Its the time to discuss. It’s an opportunity to add a reason to apology. It’s time to compliment each other. It’s the time we all look forward to, to enjoy great conversations, some laughs, some tears.
It’s your world at the end
Listen to the world but filter only what’s really for you. No one knows your world better than you two. Its your journey and your wish to make it smooth, so don’t react to what unnecessary things or comments people give or how people judge you and your partner. A happy life ahead is a great reason and target we all look forward to.
Read these marriage rules somewhere, and really liked them
1. Never both be angry at once.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3. Remember that it takes two to make an argument. The one who is wrong is the one who will be doing most of the talking.
4. Yield to the wishes of the other—as an exercise in self-discipline, if you can’t think of a better reason.
5. you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good—choose your mate.
6. If you feel you must criticize, do so lovingly.
7. Never bring up a mistake of the past.
8. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
9. Never let the day end without saying at least one complimentary thing to your life partner.
10. Never meet without an affectionate greeting.
11. When you’ve made a mistake, talk it out and ask for forgiveness.
12. Never go to bed mad.